Category: One Piece

Is it sick and/or twisted to think about whether fictional characters had sexual relationships? Yes. But, because no one asked for it lets analyze which members of the Straw Hat crew had sex.

I need to get out more.

Luffy
Luffy, like most shounen protagonists, don’t like or understand sex. Why is that? Does all that hormonal energy get transferred into fighting power? Maybe if protags like Luffy discover sex they won’t want to do anything else. No point going to Raftel looking for booty if you can get some at a random town. Unless Hancock snuck in some sneaky dinky while Luffy was asleep during the time skip, no sex here. Well, there was that handjob on Amazon Lily but Luffy was asleep. What the hell, I’ll allow it!

Luffy: Handjob. No intercourse.

Zoro
Zoro had an undefined amount of time as a pirate hunter. Enough time to get a reputation even. That sort of reputation could get him laid easily. Zoro seems like a guy who won’t mind a one-time lay, especially if she got booze.

Zoro: Drunk Sex.

Nami
Nami doesn’t strike me as someone who had sex but the girl is a total tease. First base and second base for sure, but she’s too smart to let a guy get to third base before she’s got him handcuffed and walking out the door with his wallet. The lady don’t want your “D” when she can have your “B”, beli. Or, is it beri? Belly?

Nami: No Sex.

Usopp
Not unless Usopp & Kaya did the nasty. Did Usopp volunteer to play “doctor” with Kaya or did Kaya ever want to know if Usopp’s nose was as long as his…slingshot. Hmm. This is kinda of a toughie but factoring in the cock blocking butlers I’d say at the very least they didn’t have time to go all the way. No intercourse, only oral. Oral from Usopp. Oral speaking, I mean!

Usopp: No Sex.

Sanji
Nope. Nope. Nope. Sanji is a guy who screams virgin. Poor guy barely knows how to talk to women. Lay off the romance talk and be yourself Sanji. You can cook for Oda’s sake, you’re already 80% there! Be natural, be polite, and stop acting so desperate. We’re all rooting for you, buddy!

Sanji: No Sex. (Don’t give up!)

Chopper
He was an outcast for most of his life. No reindeer ponani for Tony Tony.

Chopper: No Bestiality.

Robin
Oh boy! I was waiting for this. We’ve seen her back story. We’ve seen her Franky recruiting skills. No virgin here. Seriously, I’m sure Robin had sex at some point. Being on the run from the World Government can be stressful and being lonely you consciously or subconsciously look for companionship. Maybe she had a boyfriend who ended up selling her out or maybe a few one-night stands to feel the warmth of another person. Our Robin has gone though a lot in her life and it’s not far fetched to say she was in a sexual relationship to forget about her problems if only briefly. That, and virgin girls don’t grab guy’s balls in public. Ms. Nico is a freak in the bed.

Robin: Kinky Sex.

Franky
I say yes because I want to believe a guy of Franky’s age had sex. Dude’s a self-proclaimed pervert, he got laid. Whether or not he lost it to a girl is more debatable. Yes, I’m one of those fans who thinks Franky is bisexual. Let’s face it, Franky to too suuuuuuper for only one gender. For a good time call Cutty Flam, 555-PERV.

Franky: Hentai Sex.

Brook
It’s easy to put Sanji and Brook in the same desperate virgin class but I think Brook did the nasty at some point before he died. Brook is the type of guy that’ll spend any available time at a strip club or red light district. Brook is always on the prowl for a whore. That’s why he’s always asking girls for panties. He’s got no time for relationships, he wants to get straight to the point. Every time he says “May I see your panties” he’s really saying “I’m old. I’m horny. Let’s fuck.” Can you imagine all the groupie tail he got during his tour? Wait. Brook doesn’t have junk. Skull joke!

Brook: How Much For A Lap Dance Sex.

Jinbe

Or Jinbei or Jimbe. Doesn’t matter how you call him, just don’t hang up. Jinbe’s a social guy. Seems like he’s always around people, except when locked up. No way he didn’t get some tail as a royal guard. And as a pirate? Please! Bad boys are sexy and he’s been going hard at it, pirating, I mean, for years. You can’t tell me he’s never hooked up with a Ryugu Royal Family groupie or some pretty (and bored) harbor resident while docked on some island. Plus, he’s a martial artist. Who wouldn’t want a big strong hunk of tuna for a midnight snack? Hey! Jinbe’s just doing what Fisher Tiger taught: coexistence in bed between humans and fish-men. And believe me, he passed that class with swimming colors.

Jinbe: Wet & Wild Sex.